Today has been a really rough day… Some of those closest to me (my parents) do not support my dreams the way I desire their support. And it saddens me to the core. I’ve sat with these emotions for a while now, dwelling in thoughts of failure, wrong choices, where I’m not, not have achieved yet, and what I do not have compared to others, knowing full well these thoughts do not serve me. These thoughts and feelings just weigh me down, impedes my progress, and has the possibility of dragging me with its plummeting force. Yet these are those fears of my parents… and in turn, a reflection of what’s within me. So I’m taking the time to acknowledge and bless these concerns, this love as well as the fear and agony and even embarrassment and anger. I don’t think any of it is wrong. Just like I don’t think anything that’s happened is wrong. It all just is so I get to learn something valuable about my personal values and that of others. It allows me to remember what feels well with me, and that is peace and tranquility. It reminds me to stay aligned, in thoughts, actions, words, and feelings.
This journey has had an incredible amount of twists and turns, ups and downs, challenges of all kinds, (perhaps I should update that in my blogs), especially that which I and my parents feared most, financial. But everything has always worked out somehow in the end… even if I barely had a hundred dollars to scrape by in the bank account… something always comes in to save the day. An opportunity always knocks at just the right time. And I want to acknowledge this universal support of mine. I’m learning to trust this universal support more fully. I am protected and provided for abundantly in all ways, always. This is a big game, this film, this site, this project… unification with my parents… Big lofty goals… and deeply rooted in science and spirituality, which I had never thought possible.
I now choose to acknowledge love and intuition, purpose and drive, trusting that I am always supported, even if challenged, my heart opens and my mind engages, in total surrender to this passion, that it is and will come to fruition the vision that I hold.
This has become such an uplifting activity… writing this blog instead of writing on my FB wall… And you know how it all started? I decided that instead of dwelling on what was said to me and what I felt today, I choose to dwell on the feeling I had Yesterday, at UnSCuz (Santa Cruz Burning Man Regional) a most magically blissful day where everything came together synchronistically aligned in perfection. Between filming inspirational messages, connecting with friends, meeting new ones, churning my own ice cream for the first time, a magical morning non-date date, nonstop giggles for hours, gentle sax & jazz in the distance, birds singing their song, view of the stables, rolling hills, and fluffy clouds amidst the blue blue skies, as I’m lying in my tent on a grassy knoll… entertainment right outside my porch… and the perfect company to appreciate it all with… one would be hard pressed to have planned it as well as it had unfolded… and I was there on a blessed art grant to film these messages!! That’s the 2nd art grant (aside from The Do Lab’s Great Convergence Scholarship) I’ve received to keep working on this work… That must mean something, right? Like, I’m really considered an Artist now. Wow.