What a wild, hot, humid, challenging, cleansing, and revealing the journey has been these past two weeks in the jungles of Uvita, Costa Rica! Just getting through the muggy days with intermittent sleep cycles and graveyard shift nights as security tested my stamina. It was like the Burn all over again. The 24-hour-ish plague I acquired along with so many others during this journey was like an aya journey, except I was my own shaman, there was no out of body experience, but lots of self love in the form of sleep, hydration, fresh healthy food whenever possible to ingest, and helping to keep everything as sanitary as possible esp. with the compost toilets. And the realizations keep unveiling themselves even as I’m back in a posh little coffee shop typing away in breezy downtown Alhambra.
When I felt at my weakest, after the toughest shift I had ever worked, energetically spent and broken down into puddles of silent tears for what seemed like hours, unable to speak, hiding from my team, I feared looking weak and barely dared to ask for help. What I really wanted was to cry out loud but feared how that would affect the festival folk. How would that set the energetic tone for the masses? Where does this fear of crying in public come from? Tears are so cleansing, and can be so beautiful. After a couple hours, I finally mustered up the courage to ask one friend to walk out to the beach with me, and am thankful for her brilliance in listening to me with an open heart and mind. Then I walked into the salty sea, and on my hands and knees I released whatever I took on from the heaviness of the night into the waves, cleansing with each coming and going wave.
What I learned was that I am blessed in every way, even in the toughest of times, I am afforded the luxuries of assistance and love all around me from my friends and family. Whenever I thought I was in lack or uncared for, such thoughts only served to plummet my discomfort deeper. Whereas once I chose to accept and release those thoughts, I realized I am always living in loving abundance when I choose to see it from this perspective. How do I want to live this life? How am I being that?
The photo of the painting appeared by our bunk house one day, appearing more vivid with each passing day…. “It’s not just about sayin the word… Be Em”