Happy Chinese/Lunar New Year of the Earth Pig!
This is a year of prosperity, abundance, luck, and joy! There has a been a huge lag between the last time I posted and now. Suffice to say, there has been a lot of healing and growth with sufficient challenges and busy-ness. I’ve been contemplating between letting go of this project, and rewriting the storyline. I had a deadline last year, and did not make it. I’ve gotten up the nerve to show my documentary to a seasoned filmmaker/editor again, and received the news that there was no story in it. My heart sank, and I gritted my teeth, knowing that’s the truth, and that is why I’ve been stuck. Well, more so because I have been most afraid to tell my story….
I reasoned, who would want to watch my story? What’s so special about me that would affect anyone else’s life? As a female immigrant from a Chinese-Taiwanese culture, the message I heard all my life was about the importance of keeping my head down, don’t speak up, stay out of the limelight, don’t rock the boat, don’t be a troublemaker, be quiet (my middle name is peace/tranquility/quiet), “you’re not worth it”.
And now, as I’m in my third year of grad school and seeing clients as a psychotherapist trainee, I’ve been fearing, “What will potential clients think of me?!” “Would anyone want to come see a therapist such as I with my background?”
So after years of heart-wrenching and mind-boggling arguments and rationalizations with myself, I’ve decided to stop hiding behind the camera, and come to the foreground to tell my story through Dream.Shift.Inspire.
Whew. This is scary and vulnerable.
Is there anyone out there?